TOUT 4
COMME D'HABITUDE, ORTHOGRAPHE ALEATOIRE
Jesus est dans le desert avec sa bande d'apotres. Evidemment,
quand on traverse le desert, on est loin de tout et les journaux
ne parlent pas de vous (sauf pour le Paris-Dakar). Ainsi, Jesus
arrivant pres d'une riviere ou barbotent quelques villageois decide
de faire un petit miracle et par la meme occasion sa propre pub.
Il s'adresse donc a ses disciples :
"Suivez mes pas"
Et il commence a avancer dans la riviere sans s'enfoncer (classique).
Les apotres le suivent et, miracle, ne s'enfoncent pas non plus sauf
PAUL, toujours sceptique, qui a deja de l'eau jusqu'a la taille.
"He ! deconnez pas. Je coule. Ca marche pas"
Courageusement, Paul se concentre et continue a avancer suivant une
pente qui lui amene rapidement de l'eau jusqu'au menton.
"A l'aide ! Help ! Aglou.."
Jesus se retourne alors
"Arrete de faire le con Paul. Fait comme les autres. Marche sur les pierres."
et la fois ou Jesus, pour faire son malin, est en train de
marcher sur les eaux du lac de tiberiade (je donne les noms, c'est
pour faire plus vrai..). Pierre est a ses cotes et nage, peinard,
(tout le monde peut pas etre le fils de dieu..):
- Eh, Jesus, t'es con, hein, passe qu'elle vachement bonne..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sondage : "S'il vous plait, que pensez-vous de la penurie de viande ?"
- le russe : "c'est quoi : viande" ?
- l'americain : "c'est quoi : penurie" ?
- le francais : "c'est quoi : s'il vous plait" ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C'est dans un camps de concentration. Un juif est assis
par terre, l'oeil fixant un tas de cendre. La dessus Hiltler
passe, voit le juif et s'approche de lui.
Hitler: Acht' vous cherchez quelqu'un ??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
__________________________________________________________________________
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks
him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite
serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppos- itories
inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor
warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way
up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him
to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly
or something.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second
suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to
obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her
what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him
and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams
in disgust. "What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did
that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."
____________________________________________________________________________
A little boy walks into his parents bedroom as they are
making love. The kid all surprised asks "mom, dad, what
are you two doing?" the father simply says "me and your
mother are playing cards." The kid then leaves the room
and goes to his older brother's room to find him and
his girlfreind making love and he gets the same answer
"me and wendy here are just playing cards" later
that day, the father walks in the kids room to find
him mastrubating, the father says "kid, what are you
doing?" the kid says
- playing cards, dad.
- alone?
- you don't need a partner if you have good hands.
____________________________________________________________________________
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a Gyn. appointment tommorow."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. Later, he rolls
back over and taps his wife again. This time he wispers in her ear
"Do you have a Dentist appointment tommorrow too?".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ta mere numero 1 sur Nostalgie.
Ta mere elle slam a un concert de Sardou.
Ta mere elle formate un CD-ROM.
Ta mere en solde au TeleAchat.
Ta mere, elle se fait liposucer.
Et pour finir une petite contrepeterie :
Ta mere en cure avec une calote.
Ta mere, elle remixe Jean Ferrat.
Ta mere en scaphandrier dans une soiree Techno.
Ta mere, elle dirige le projet du logiciel Win95...
Ta mere avec des bigoudis a DanceMachine 5.
Ta mere elle habite dans la cave.
Ta mere dans un film X avec Charlie Oleg.
Ta mere sur les boites de vache qui rit.
Ta mere elle s'habille chez Michelin.
Ta mere elle croit que Balladur c'est un walkman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C'est l'histoire d'un couple de jeunes mariés au revenu modeste. Pour leur
nuit de noce, ils ont loués une petite chambre d'hotel en banlieu. Arrivés
dans la chambre, ils sont tous deux très exités de pouvoir enfin s'ébattre
folement (C'est leur première fois, vous imaginez le tableau). Les deux amants
se déshabillent et veullent accrocher leurs vetements quelque part.
Problème : le seul porte-manteau présent dans cette chambre est fixé à 2m25 du
sol.
Le jeune marié, peu fier de sa virilité, dit à sa femme : "Va y chérie grimpe
là dessus, et accroche les fringues".
Hein ? Mais non elle n'est pas finie !!!!
La nuit de noce se passe merveille. Le matelas s'en souvient encore.
Vingt ans s'écoullent et le couple décide de refaire un pélerinage, une sorte
de retour aux source, sur les lieux de leurs premiers ébats. Ils arrivent dans
le même hotel, la même chambre avec le porte-manteau toujours à la même place.
"Hé si on refaisait l'amour ?" propose la femme. Le type est toujours
partant. Le couple se déshabille, et le problème des habits se pose à nouveau.
Seulement vingt ans se sont écoulés, et notre vaillant jeune homme a comme qui
dirait la queue en berne. Le femme voyant son mari dans l'embarras trouve une
solution et lui dit : "Met ton pied la-dedans mon chéri et accroche les
fringues".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
c'est deux gays qui s'ennuient.
L'un des deux propose : "et si on jouait a l'escrime avec nos bites ?"
Commence alors un combat de bites jusqu'a ce que l'un des deux se fasse
toucher. A ce moment la, il se retourne et fait a son copain en
tendant son posterieur : "Acheve moi !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TA MERE, ELLE ECRIT LA DOC POUR MICROSOFT...
TA MERE, ELLE ECRIT LES MESSAGES D'ERREUR DE BORLAND...
TA MERE, ELLE A FAIT LE PROGRAMME D'INSTALLATION D'OS/2...
--------------------------------------------------------
Apres PAf le chien,
Flap Flap la girafe
Sprotch le crapaud...
que dit le fille de sprotch le crapeaud ?
- attention papaaaarrgsprllt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C'est un gamin qui est dans la rue en train de fumer.
La dessus, une bonne petite vieille bien moraliste passe et voit
le garconnet en train de fumer.
Mamie: Mais mon garcon quel age as tu?
Garcon: 6 ans
M: tu fumes deja a ton age
G: oui et alors
M: Mais c'est pas bien du tout
G: aujourd'hui on fait bien se que l'on veut. Tiens hier j'ai
tire ma 1ere gonzesse
M: Mon dieu, quelle epoque.
Et la mamie tres comprehensive et se rappelant du temps passe
lui demande d'une petite voix:
C'etait bien ?
G: J'sais pas, j'etais completement bourre...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Un vieillard monte au ciel. St Pierre le reçoit et lui demande son nom.
Le vieux réflechit, se gratte la tête, quelques minutes après d'intenses
recherches dans les tréfonds de sa cervelle il lache un timide :"Ben, je
ne sais plus." St Pierre embêté lui dit :"Vous n'avez pas d'indices qui
pourraient nous aider à vous redonner une identité. Un petit quelque chose.
Vous savez, ici avec trois fois rien on fait parfois des miracles." Le vieux
après force grimaces sort soudain :"Je travaillais le bois et j'avais un
fils qui n'était pas mon fils naturel. " St Pierre sur le cul interpelle Jesus
qui passe dans le coin. "Dis donc Jesus. Monsieur ne sait plus qui il est, il
travaillait le bois et avais un fils qui n'était pas son fils naturel. Ca ne te
rappelle rien?" Jesus fond en larmes: "Papa" . Le vieux se jette dans ses bras
:" Pinnochio !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comment on reconnait une Lada d'une Lada sport?
Dans uhne Lada sport, le conducteur est en training...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE RULES
1. The Female always makes the Rules. This is necessary because
the Male holds the Female responsible for how everything in
his life turns out.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification. Notification does occurs, but the Male has
either ignored, misunderstood or forgotten what's been said.
3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules. Because the Male
either ignores, misunderstands or forgets them and never
says so.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows the Rules, she must
immediately change some of the Rules. This is done to keep
the Male involved, responsive, and a little bit crazy.
Otherwise, life would be predicable and boring.
5. The Female is never wrong. Never! Ever!
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding which is a direct result of something the
Male said or did.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for
causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The Female can do this because she willingly accepts
responsiblility for her actions. The Female also accepts
responsibility for the actions of the Male.
9. Because the Male ususally expects the Female to find a
way to correct what he's screwed up as a result of
changing his mind, the Male mus never change his mind
without express written consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any
time. Caring for the Male 24 hours a day gives her this
right.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female
wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know
whether she wants him to be angry or upset. Somethings in
life a Male should try and figure out for himself.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily
harm. Or worse.
14. If the Female has PMS, all rules are null and void. Be
advised that the Male will recall what the rules are only
during this time.
15. The Male cannot diagnose PMS. However, the Male would be
able to do so if it were a Male problem. The Male would
then have complete disability benefits as well as total
in-house care because of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> (cheval)/(papillon)=(cheval)/(Beta l) (prouvez-moi le contraire...)
> =(cheva)/(Beta) (si l<>0)
> =(vache)/(Beta) (multiplication commutative)
> =(Beta pi)/(Beta) (prouv...)
> =Pi.....
> Y'en a d'autres ???
> [...]
Une du meme style :
===================
vert
------ = cassoulet !!!!
kroumir
....
Explications :
==============
On peut tout d'abord simplifier par "r" en haut et en bas :
ve t
------
kroumi
Ensuite, la fraction peut se simplifier en :
e t (car le "v" n'est rien)
------
k umi (car le "ro" se biffe)
Une derniere simplification :
e
------ (car qui dit "umi" dit "t" )
k
=> Il reste bien le "k" sous l'"e" !
La paternite de cette vaseuse est attribuee a Darry Cowl, il y
a de nombreuses annees (cretace inferieur!)
Desole !
Une derniere pour la route :
============================
Pourquoi la vitesse des centres de gravité est toujours nulle ?? (mais si!)...
Generalement, les vitesses sont representees par la lettre "V".
D'autre part, le centre de gravité d'un corps quelconque est symbolisé par
la lettre "G"
En consequence, la vitesse du centre de gravite est representee par "Vg"
Or, si t'as Vg, t'as rien !
Vraiment desolé !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Savez-vous pourquoi il n'y a pas de noirs en Belgique ??
Parce qu'ils les vident et s'en servent comme combinaison de plongée ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Savez-vous combien de personnes faut-il pour construire une LADA?
|
|
|
v
Reponse: 2 , une pour plier et une pour coller.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
quelles sont les dernieres paroles du Romain a Jesus ?
serre les pieds, je n'ai plus qu 'un clou
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Qu'estsseKi passe par le tete d'une mouche quand elle s'ecrase contre une
vitre???
Son cul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Un type, dans un cafe, parle de son grand-pere toujours en vie. Son
voisin lui dit alors :
"Eh ben moi, j'ai toujours mon arriere-arriere-arriere-arriere-grand-pere !
- Allez, tu te fiches de moi, la.
- Non, non, je te... je te... je te... je te....je te jure !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Pourquoi les LADA ont-elles le desembuage sur la vitre arriere ?
R: Pour rechauffer les mains pendant qu'ont les pousse.
Q: Comment double-t-on la valeur d'une LADA ?
R: En faisant le plein.
Q: Quelle est la plus petite partie d'une LADA ?
R: Le cerveau du proprietaire.
Q: Comment appele-t-on une LADA avec un turbo?
A: Une Skoda.
Q: Qu'est ce qu'une LADA en haut d'une colline ?
R: Un miracle.
Q: Quelle est la difference entre une LADA et le sida ?
R: La LADA tu auras enormement de mal a la refiler.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Article: 41670 of rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Path: news.sri.ucl.ac.be!chaos.kulnet.kuleuven.ac.be!idefix.CS.kuleuven.ac.be!
Belgium.EU.net!EU.net!howland.reston.ans.net!ix.netcom.com!netcom.com!cate3
From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Subject: Life 2.D
Message-ID:
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Tue, 7 Mar 1995 17:31:39 GMT
Lines: 386
Sender: cate3@netcom11.netcom.com
Date: 31 Aug 87 10:17:17 PDT (Monday)
Subject: Life 2.D
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub-
scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury
was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the man. "Only
a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 of them."
------------------------------------------------
from the august Road & Track article about driving two absurdly fast cars
across europe...
[we join our antagonists as they are just leaving a delay-causing border
crossing and heading into northern italy]
"Anxious after the delay, Gruber doesn't waste any time getting the Koenig
[-modified Porsche] up to speed, and almost immediately we are blowing off
Alfas, Fiats, and Lancias full of excited Italians. These people love fast
cars. But they love sport too and no passing encounter goes unchallenged.
Nothing serious, just two wheels into your lane as you're bearing down on
them at 130-plus - to see if you're paying attention."
------------------------------------------------
"Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion."
------------------------------------------------
The City of Palo Alto, in its official description of parking
lot standards, specifies the grade of wheelchair access ramps in terms
of centimeters of rise per foot of run. A compromise, I imagine...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
This last weekend I was reminded at the pace we are converting to
metric. I was on I-75 in Ohio when I saw a sign that said:
All signs metric
next 20 miles
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The most dangerous organization in America today is:
a) The KKK
b) The American Nazi Party
c) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club
------------------------------------------------
The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information
about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In
Australia,
the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's
drunk and in jail." In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the
spouse is jailed. In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an
automatic
jail term of one year. In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven 20 miles out
of town and forced to walk back. In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction
results in capital punishment. In El Salvador, your first offense is your
last -- execution by firing squad.
From the August Road & Track.
------------------------------------------------
90/90 Law of Software Project Management:
The first 90% of the task takes the first 90% of the time,
and the remaining 10% takes the other 90%.
------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher sez "Get that gum out of your mouth", where as the
train sez "Chew, Chew ".
------------------------------------------------
One day this guy is finally fed up with a middle-class existence
and decides to do something about it. He calls up his best
friend, who is a mathematical genius. ``Look,'' he says, ``You
are so smart. Don't you suppose you could find some way
mathematically of guaranteeing winning at the race track? We
could make a lot of money and retire and enjoy life.'' The
mathematician ponders this a bit and walks away mumbling to him-
self.
A week later his friend drops by to ask the genius if he's had
any success. The genius, looking a little bleary-eyed, replies,
``Well, yes, actually I do have an idea, and I'm reasonably sure
that it will work, but there a number of details to be figured
out.
After the second week the mathematician appears at his friend's
house, looking quite a bit rumpled, and announces, ``I think I've
got it! I still have some of the theory to work out, but now I'm
certain that I'm on the right track.''
At the end of the third week the mathematician wakes his friend
by pounding on his door at 3:17 a.m. He has dark circles under
his eyes. His hair hasn't been tended to for many days. He ap-
pears to be wearing the same clothes as the last time. He has
several pencils sticking out from behind his ears and an almost
maniacal expression on his face. ``WE CAN DO IT! WE CAN DO
IT!!'' he shrieks. ``I have discovered the perfect solution!!
And it's so EASY!'' ``Tell me! How does it work?'' his friend
excitedly asks? ``Well, it's like this...''
``Assume that horses are spheres...''
------------------------------------------------
At a mental hospital the staff found some of the patients were gaining
weight, so they were put on a diet of a glass of Tab and one apple for lunch.
After eating their light lunch, the group would start to sing to everyone
else. This became known as the "Moron Tab and Apple Choir".
------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Iranian who made an operator-assisted telephone call
to his homeland?
He wanted the operator to set up a Persian-to-Persian call.
------------------------------------------------
"The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics
is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people."
------------------------------------------------
One just in the San Francisco paper (note: Marin County is a ritzy area just
north of San Francisco):
'Did you know that if you dial 911 in Marin County you get the BMW repair
garage?'
------------------------------------------------
This one is true!!!
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite
ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven
herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking
lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an
ambulance?'
The lady said, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven.'
------------------------------------------------
It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California. Yep,
she has started a business telling people's fortunes. But, she
doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath.
That, right, the sign outside reads:
Super California Mystic
Expert Halitosis
------------------------------------------------
Something resembling the following appeared on a commercial
birthday card with a caveman motif:
I wanted to give you something special for your birthday, so I
baked you the biggest and fanciest birthday cake I could. Unfortunately,
it was so big and heavy that I couldn't lift it onto the cart to deliver
it. I tried to construct a lever to lift it onto the cart, but it didn't
work. So I made a bigger lever and tried to lift it onto the cart, but
it didn't work. So, I made an even bigger lever, but try as I could I
couldn't lift the cake. Fortunately, as I was doing this, my friend Nate,
the biggest and strongest person I know walked by, and without any trouble
at all, lifted the cake onto the cart without any help at all. Which
only goes to show, "Better Nate than lever."
------------------------------------------------
Recently, Munich, Germany was having a severe problem
with there dog population. It was skyrocketing beyond belief.
In a matter of a couple of weeks, the population doubled and
then even tripled. They had to put together a special
emergency committee to solve the problem. But, the dogs
continued to multiply. The dogs started to infest Munich's
neighboring city's. One day, the committee got a call from
a nearby mill. The man was frantic.
"Please, you've got to send help!
The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"
------------------------------------------------
In shark infested waters, a wise fish never travels without a porpose.
In high school we had an interesting teacher we called tortise, cause he
taught us.
------------------------------------------------
"We must finish once and for all with the neutrality of chess. We must
condemn once and for all the formula 'chess for the sake of chess,' like
the formula 'art for art's sake.' We must organize shock-brigades of chess-
players,
and begin the immediate realization of a Five-Year Plan for chess."
-- Nikolai V. Krylenko, People's Commissar for Justice (of RFSFR, later of
USSR), speaking at a 1932 Congress of Chess Players, as quoted p. 575 of
Boris Souvarine' s "Stalin," published London, 1939
------------------------------------------------
If Izod bought Fruit-of-the-Loom, would they make Crocodile Undees?
------------------------------------------------
I was quite surprised by a recently acquired tape, "Don't Ask" by Frank Hayes.
The first verse of the title song goes something like this:
The orders come down and they march us away.
There's a battle outside and we join in the fray.
God, it's hell when you know this could be your last day,
But it's better than working for Xerox.
------------------------------------------------
`The Observer' [English national Sunday paper] reports on `the nightmare
of a woman robbed of 8,750 pounds'.
------------------------------------------------
Guns don't kill people.
Driving 40 in the fast lane kills people.
Don't shoot me, I'll move over.
Honk if you are Reloading
Honk if you're reloading
Cover me, I'm about to change lanes.
Newest sign seen along side the road on the Xpressway:
Next Exit:
Gas, Food, and Ammo
------------------------------------------------
One of the speakers claims his mother told him to marry a girl from
San Pete, Utah, then no matter how bad things got, you would know she had had it
worst.
Another speaker, the father of six kids, was asked why didn't he stop
at one or two. The reply was "My wife and I don't think all the children
in the world should be raised by beginers."
------------------------------------------------
"The galaxy-spanning luminous arcs reported by M. Mitchell
Waldrop in Research News on 6 February have a very simple
explanation. They are part of the scaffolding that was not
removed when the contractor went bankrupt owing to cost
overruns."
"Arthur C. Clarke, Sri Lanka"
------------------------------------------------
Needless to say, I don't have two brain cells to rub together on this subject,
but maybe someone else does, and I love the sound of brain cells rubbing
together...
------------------------------------------------
"Great ideas are better than good ones because they both take about the
same amount of time to develop and the great ideas aren't obsolete when you're
done."
------------------------------------------------
SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash")
------------
I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
Some smoke from our VAX began to rise
And suddenly, to my surprise...
[chorus]
(There was a crash) There was a system crash
(A mighty crash) I heard the disk heads smash
(A system crash) It came down in a flash
(There was a crash) A fatal system crash
The lab manager then appeared from his room,
Said: "I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
But we had one like this just the other day
Which blew up 4 megs and the SBA"
[chorus]
The system had just been booted, diagnostics had all run through,
When a power fluck made it all run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew too
So we'd lost all our VAXes in less than one night
When a VP came in and said: "hey, that's all right,
I'll loan you a Venus - here's what to do
When you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you...
[chorus]
------------------------------------------------
"Studies show 80 percent of all Americans know about home computers. That's
higher than the percentage of Americans who know about sex."
------------------------------------------------
The following paragraph appeared in the Course Notes for [MIT course]
6.170 (Undergraduate Software Engineering course -- taken
usually as a sophomore) under the section heading "Defensive
Programming":
The word "bug" is in many ways misleading. Bugs do not
crawl unbidden into our programs. We put them there.
DON'T THINK OF YOUR PROGRAM AS "HAVING BUGS;" THINK OF
YOURSELF AS HAVING MADE A MISTAKE. Bugs do not breed in
programs. If there are many bugs in a program, it is
because the programmer has made many mistakes. You
should never be proud when you track down a bug in your
own program. It's like finding a cockroach in your
kitchen. You should be embarrassed and upset that it was
there in the first place.
------------------------------------------------
Offensive to no one west of Rt 128.
Seen while driving through Silicon Valley this past Sunday. Note that this
was on the back of a disreputable van driven by a bearded individual who
was probably wearing sandals.
"DEC measures benchmarks with a calender."
------------------------------------------------
According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something
everyone should do at least 6 times a day. In an effort to increase the
national average (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in smiling),
Xerox has instructed all personnel to be happy, effervescent, and most
importantly,
to smile. Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly that they can not
only meet but surpass the national average....except for Tubby Ackerman.
But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around parking lots with
a large butterfly net retrieving floating IC chips, Xerox decided to give
him a break. If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have a sheepish grin.
this is where the expression, "Service with a slightly sheepish grin," comes
from.
------------------------------------------------
This recipe actually came from a recipe book:
Elephant Stew
Ingredients:
1 Elephant Salt and Pepper to taste
2 Rabbits (optional) 40 gal. Brown Gravy
Directions:
Cut elephant into bite size pieces. Cover with brown gravy. Cook over low
heat about 4 weeks. This will serve 4,200 people. If more are expected
the 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people
do not like to find hare in their stew.
ACHE (Atlanta Center for Humorous Expression)
----------------------------------------------------------------
--
Henry Cate III
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
"The Greatest Management Principle in the World" by Michael LeBoeuf:
The things that get rewarded, get done.
Article: 41671 of rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Path: news.sri.ucl.ac.be!chaos.kulnet.kuleuven.ac.be!idefix.CS.kuleuven.ac.be!
Belgium.EU.net!EU.net!howland.reston.ans.net!ix.netcom.com!netcom.com!cate3
From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Subject: Life 9.D
Message-ID:
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Tue, 7 Mar 1995 17:32:22 GMT
Lines: 383
Sender: cate3@netcom11.netcom.com
Date: 22 Feb 93 12:29:29 PST (Monday)
Subject: Life 9.D
----------------------------------------------------
The following is a selection from a mailing list called "Desperado"
From: "John R. Covert 14-Sep-1990 1213"
--------------------------
From: 11SRUS::GEYER "Deer flies will please replace divots"
"What could I do, boss? I was looking down the barrel of a turtle."
When I lived in Arizona, somebody once tried to hold up a 7-11 down the
street near my apartment with a snake. I think it was some type of king
snake; in any case, the girl at the counter knew her snakes and was
unimpressed. Another victory for feminism.
Craig
--------------------------
From: CIMNET::LUNGER "Dave Lunger, 291-7797 MET-1/K2"
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj: for your amazement, and possible inclusion in DESPERADO
seen on the USENET in rec.aviation:
Probably the most bizarre Grumman American (a manufacturer of
single engine 2 and 4 seat airplanes) accident was when a
pilot who was well beyond his fatigue limit, landed at a
remote airport and fell asleep in his seat immediately after
he shut the engine down.
He woke up later and while still groggy and disoriented,
thought he had fallen asleep while flying and the engine had
quit. He went through the in-flight start procedure, rammed in
full throttle, and taxied through a couple of parked planes.
--------------------------
From: GURU::dibble "Ben Dibble"
To: davison@31.736.enet, closet::t_parmenter, metsky, skye::brown, woodward
Subj: For all you skiers out there...!
Simulated Skiing - Fake It Till U Make It
Tore up your knee playing hoops this fall? Are your buddies
already razzing you about missing the season? No problem.
One needn't actually *ski* to experience the gestalt of skiing;
just simulate the pyschic and physical sensations. Here are 13
ways to duplicate those ski thrills and really pin the fun meter
in the red zone:
- Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're tailing an 18-wheeler. Stop at any gas station
that serves food. When the waitress asks what you'd like order
an upset stomach because that's probably what you'll get anyway.
- Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in his walk-in freezer
for half an hour. Afterward, burn two $50 bills to warm up. It's
not real skiing but it's close.
- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray
sandblast your face. You'll almost believe you're skiing in front
of a snowmaking gun.
- Sit under a sun lamp wearing goggles to get that chic racoon look.
- Where apres-ski boots everywhere - even in the shower. For the
best effect, get the boots that look like two dead Afghan hounds
strapped to your calves.
- At the nearest hockey rink, walk across the ice 20 times in your
ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, loaded accessory bag and poles.
Make believe you're looking for your car.
- For ski-boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes
and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
- Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. This will
save you from losing it later.
- Go to a McDonald's and insist on paying $3.50 for a hamburger.
Be sure to wait in the longest line.
- Speaking of lines, stand in any movie line on the coldest day
of the year. Inch ahead with the crowd but don't go in. Do this
12 or 18 times.
- To simulate losing a ski in deep powder, spend a lot of money
to fly to a Caribbean resort. When you arrive toss a Krugerrand
onto the beach. Then try to find it.
- To simulate glade skiing take a jog through the woods - with your
eyes closed.
- Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
None of these activities is skiing, but all of them sure feel like it.
--------------------------
From: DECWRL::"jo@odi.com"
Restaurant sign on Rt. 13 in Maryland:
CHICKEN AND DUMPINGS
--------------------------
From: TERSE::AUGUSTINE "Liz"
I was at a natural foods warehouse a few days ago and saw the
following bumpersticker on someone's office:
I eat tofu and I vote.
--------------------------
From: MAST::REISERT "Jim"
From the L.A. Times
Solomon Waters of Altadena, a 6-year-old first-grader, came
home from his first day of school and excitedly told his
mother how he had written on "a machine that looks like a
computer -- but without the TV screen." She asked him if
it could have been a "typewriter." "Yeah! Yeah!" he said.
"That's what it was called."
--------------------------
From: LANDO::ARNOLD "I knew I should have saved all those bell bottoms..."
The following note was found attached to one of the card catalog terminals at
Boston University's Mugar Library after the recent holiday break:
"You don't take LSD to expand your consciousness.
You take it to turn your toaster into a home
entertainment center."
--------------------------
From: rando@skipper.dfrf.nasa.gov (Randy Brumbaugh)
:o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-)
NOTE: This is a joke. This is only a joke. Had this
been real information, it would not be posted in rec.audio.
:o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-) :=) :o) :-)
I've always felt that there are 3 ways to deal with the
wackos who post bizarre and incorrect audio information,
especially about digital audio:
1- Ignore them and chuckle
2- Try to patiently explain things
3- Set up a company and make money - lots of money
I have been jumping between 1 and 2, but now have decided
that number 3 is for me.
I am proposing formation of a company. Anyone out there
is welcome to join me. I am pretty sure there are plenty
of potential customers. I suggest the name-
Sonically Corrected Audio Machinery (SCAM).
Some offerings from our first catalog:
*** The environment chamber
As the CD spins, the audio information is read by
a low powered laser beam and then sent to the electronics
of the CD player. This means that the sound from the disc
is actually TRAVELLING THROUGH THIS AIR GAP! The
properties of sound propagation in air are understood by
scientists, but are ignored by CD player designers.
The result is sound that is colored by the composition,
temperature and humidity of the air in the room. On
humid days, the player will have a "stuffy" sound, while
on a dry winter day the highs will be more "crisp". Dust
and humidity can muddy the sound. Furthermore, the air
is not optimal for transmission of laser light. Under
some conditions, the air may become "resonant" at the laser
frequency and cause errors. Our solution is the CD
environment chamber- a chamber which surrounds the CD
player with an environment of dry, temperature controlled
compressed nitrogen. The user may vary the temperature
to make the sound warmer. Several other knobs are provided
which the user may adjust.
*** The data magnet
Many CD player sound problems are traced to problems in
"the bits coming off the disc". Our research has found
that in many cases, the bits actually do not leave the
CD, but remain attached to it. To correct this, we have
developed the "data magnet". This electromagnet is placed
so that it "pulls" each bit toward the laser, so that it
may be easily "picked up". This results in less drain
on the laser power supply, since it is obviously doing
less work to gather the data. The magnet is excited
by an analog power supply, which imparts the subtle
burblishness to the sound that analog is known for.
*** The green lamp
Recent articles in the audio press have explained the
benefits of using a green marker to treat the edges of
CDs. The scientific basis for this breakthrough has
been discovered by our researchers. It is not the edging,
but the green light hitting the disc which improves the
sound. Many researchers have failed to duplicate the
effect in thier labs because they colored the disc then
immediately put it into a player, without letting it expose
in the ambient light. Our discovery is that the bits on
a CD are "developed" by exposure to certain wavelengths
of light. The raw CD has a "negative" quality to it,
until developed. The principle is similar to glow-in-the-
dark toys that must be held under light to glow. Of
course, only a little light exposure is provided by green
edges (but even this small amount has been reported to
help). You can't color the face of the CD green. So
we have developed the special "green lamp" which bathes
the CD in an intense beam of green light. Each CD
should be "charged" in this light before playing, so that
the music will project a warm, developed glow.
NOTE: for use on ordinary CDs only-- gold CDs require a
different color of light, available soon.
--------------------------
What to do with a NeXT Computer
Organization: SERC, Department of Computer Sciences, Purdue Univ.
From: Gene Spafford
>From the April 1 Issue of U-M Computing, the newsletter of the
University of Michigan Information Technology Division
The NeXT Computer: A Tool to Study Artificial Intelligence
- ----------------------------------------------------------
As more and more NeXT computers are introduced to campus, it has
become possible for artificially intelligent scientists at U-M to
extend the milestone research reported by Bennett at Yale University.
[1] Bennett's study used a computer simulation to test the notion that
if enough monkeys were allowed to pound at typewriters long enough,
all the great works of literature would result. This early research
suffered from two limitations. The first was a reliance upon random
number generation to choose characters on the typewriter. The second
was the ability to compare the output only with statistical properties
of the English language.
Current research at U-M attempts the ultimate experiment to test
Bennett's notion. Since November 1988, groups of primates have spent
their evenings and weekends in the various computer laboratories
across campus that house NeXT computers. A total of 24 monkeys are
currently serving as subjects in this research. The procedure is
straightforward. During each laboratory session, the monkeys are
anchored by seat belts in front of the NeXT keyboards. To encourage
typing, the keys are laced with honey to attract the monkeys'
attention. Each keystroke made is stored in sequence in the monkey's
personal text file. After every thirteenth keystroke, the monkey is
rewarded with a grape. After every two hundred keystrokes, the
positive reinforcement is increased to a banana, suggested by the work
of Feldman and Sprout.[2]
The U-M experiment improves upon the previous research in two ways.
First, the typed productions are not a gamble, a la Monte Carlo.
Instead, they are produced by actual, living monkeys. Second, and more
importantly, the typed productions are compared directly with the
actual works of Shakespeare, which are readily available for searching
in the NeXT computers' optical discs. The monkeys' text is divided
into packets of 13 characters, ignoring case, spaces, and punctuation.
The content of these packets provides the input for a search of the
Shakespeare file. All matches are then transferred to a new NeXT text
file for the monkey, which includes date, time, and Shakespearean
citation.
The original research on the monkey problem, relying on probabilistic
expectation, would readily pick up string matches such as "he is," but
the NeXT capacity allows for matching patterns of the rarity of
"putter; your pelly is all putter," which, with its alliterative
property, has a high probability for primate production.
The research to date has proved more fruitful than the 1977 simulation
study. For example, a twice-observed match from two different monkeys
was "what dole of honour flies where you bid it," an obvious reference
to bananas, both by brand and attribution. As was recently pointed out
in an electronic conference on MTS, "time flies like an arrow; fruit
flies like a banana."
The self-referential quality of many of the primate productions in
this research is a serendipitous finding of far great- er importance
than the mere production of Shakespearean passages. For example, "like
a geminy of baboons" was one of the matches. "When next we meet" was
also produced. Another monkey behavior, "itch from head to foot," was
observed, both in practice and in the typed text. Perhaps indicative
of the difficulty of the experimental task, one poor primate produced
"written troubles of the brain," while another gave forth "they speak
no English." These results show that the research problem is much more
complex than the mere ability of the monkeys to reproduce Shakespeare
by rote. Innate knowledge and literature appreciation must also be
studied.
There is no doubt that without the NeXT computer, research of this
caliber would be impossible. The results to date of the study are
indeed among "April's first-born flowers, and all things rare."
Although the current research has shown many instances (N=978, p=.07)
of ability to produce portions of the works of Shakespeare, it will
take many more years of intensive study to determine how much time is
enough time to reproduce all of Shakespeare. The research will
continue as long as funds for the care and feeding of the research
subjects are available.
I Bennett, William R. "How artificial is intelligence?" American
Scientist, 65:694-702, 1977.
2 Feldman, Jerome and Sprout, Robert. "Decision theory and
artificial intelligence: 11. The hungry monkey." Cognitive Science,
1:158-192, 1977.
- --by Elaine Hockman
--------------------------
From: SEARCH::BREEDING "ANDY BREEDING"
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj: Desperado contribution
Attached is a letter to the editor taken from PC WEEK, which I stumbled
across while searching the Computer Library CD-ROM database. It seemed like
a good candidate for Desperado. Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Andy Breeding
[I think GUI means generic user interface.]
Dear Editor:
GUIs are billed by their advocates as being intuitive and culture-free;
however, they are neither. The design of windowing systems depends very
heavily on the user reading from top to bottom and left to right, which can
be very misleading to people not used to reading in this manner.
The late Henry Dreyfus, an industrial designer who spent the last years of
his life working with graphics for labeling machinery controls and other
industrial uses, collected stories about misreading signs across cultures.
My favorite was a broken wine glass as the symbol for fragile cargo, which
you still see today. This was consistently read as "damaged cargo" in South
America, and the cartons were thrown out as salvage by the dock workers. The
current preferred symbol is an unbroken wine glass.
Several of my coworkers came back from a Sybase users meting with a new
vocabulary of oddball icons for the Sun workstation. They included a stencil
outline of an airplane taking off for "system coming up" and one landing with
wheels down for "system coming down." I suggested the gruesome but obvious
stencil of pieces of an airplane bouncing off the runway for a system crash,
perhaps with little bodies flying out of the plane to show how many tasks
were active at the time of the crash.
Technology is not talent. Flash and dazzle are not function and design. It
was thoughtful of Tonkin to remind us.
Joe Celko Los Angeles, Calif.
--
Henry Cate III
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
"The Greatest Management Principle in the World" by Michael LeBoeuf:
The things that get rewarded, get done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW OPERATING SYSTEM
Because so many users have asked for an operating system of even greater
capability than VM, IBM annouces the Virtual Universe Operating System - OS/VU.
Running under OS/VU, the individual user appears to have not merely a machine
of their own, but an entire universe of their own, in which they can set up and
take down their own programs, data sets, systems networks, personnel and
planetary systems. They need only specify the universe they desire, and the
OS/VU system generation program (IEHGOD) does the rest. This program will
reside in SYS1.GODLIB. The minimum time for this function is 6 days of
activity and 1 day of review. In conjunction with OS/VU. all system utilities
have been replaced by one program (IEHPROPHET) which will reside in
SYS1.MESSIAH. This program has no parms or control cars as it knows what you
want to do when it is executed.
Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree of sophistication in
the data processing field if an efficient utilization of OS/VU is to be
achieved. Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies, for instance, can lead to
unexpected delays in execution of a job. Although IBM, through its wholly-owned
subsiduary, The United States, is working on a program to upgrade the speed
of light and thus reduce the overhead of extraterrestrial and metadimensional
paging, users must be careful for the present to stay within the laws of
physics. IBM must charge an additional fee for violations.
Users should be aware that IBM plans to migrate all existing systems and
hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers effect one output that is
(conceptually) error-free. This will give us a base to develop and even more
powerful operating system, target date 2001, designated "Virtual Reality".
OS/VR is planned to enable the user to migrate to totally unreal universes.
To aid the user in identifying the difference between "Virtual Reality" and
"Real Reality", a file containing a linear arrangement of multisensory total
records of succesive moments of now will be estaablished.
Its name will be SYS1.est.
-End of Line-
The above was dated Jan 30 1979 and appeared on IBM paper. The original author
is unknown.
Well I liked it.
Ady
--
IBM is a trademark of IBM. Any connection between the above system and a system
proposed by IBM, might or might not be entirely coincidental and is
unintentional. The word 'identifying' is copyright of some company (probably)
and all royalty payments for its use should be directed to them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Je ne sais pas si vous etes familiers avec l'univers de Fredric Brown (vous ne
savez pas ce que vous perdez...), mais l'avalanche de Ta Mere m'a fait penser a
un de ses livres "Mrs Murphy". Tout au long de l'histoire, un oncle et son neveu
echangent des quatrains, tous construits sur le meme modele et designent d'un
commun accord le meilleur.
Quel rapport? Et bien outre le comique de repetition, ils evoquent toujours un
univers a la fois drole et surrealiste. Je vais vous donner quelques uns de ceux
que je prefere (de memoire!), en esperant que cela vous inspirera...
Mrs Murphy
Qui donc a mis
Un air si fier
Sur votre derriere mignonne tout plein
Mrs Murphy
Qui donc a mis
De l'arsenic
Dans le pique-nique fatale...
Mrs Murphy
Qui donc a mis
Un gros orteil
Dans cette bouteille etrange
Mrs Murphy
Qui donc a mis
Un piege a loup
Sous vos dessous elle est adorable, non?
Le plus dur est de respecter a la fois les rimes (et oui, c'est le sel de la
prose), le nombre de pieds pour chaque vers (4 pour les forts en theme! Mrs se
prononce bien evidemment a l'anglaise i.e. Missize) et l'esprit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to Win Arguments
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and
steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great
respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments.
Simply follow these rules:
* Drink Liquor.
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding
on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're
drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang
back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls
your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover
you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH
of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights
and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some
may leave the room.
* Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove
Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that
YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch
of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are
underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars
adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is
$836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT
up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study
for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?"
Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left
your soiled underwear in my bath house."
* Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.,"
"e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do
not."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't
have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you
say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis
Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often,
so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were.
Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back
at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than
mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponents says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.
OR
You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponents says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.
* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously
right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say:
"That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or
"You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to
pull any of this on people who carry weapons.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to see her doctor regarding her ongoing hormone therapy.
Woman: "Doctor I have some concerns as to the hormone therapy you have
put me on."
Doctor: "What seems to be the problem?"
Woman: "Well, hair has begun to grow on my chest."
Doctor: "Open your blouse up and lets have a look." The woman opens her
blouse and the Doctor says with considerable shock, "My good god
thats a lot of hair, how far down does it go?"
Woman: "Well, all the way down to my balls, and thats another thing I
want to talk to you about!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Une multinationale fait des recherches sur la botanique en Amazonie avec des
specialistes locaux. Elle envoie une equipe de chercheurs... qui ne revient
jamais; la direction recoit le message suivant: "votre equipe de chercheurs
s'est fait bouffee par les crocodiles"
Qu'a cela ne tienne, la multinationale (appelons la Rhone Poulenc,
voulez-vous?), renvoie une seconde equipe...qui se fait malencontreusement
bouffer par les crocodiles..."equipe devoree par les crocodiles"
Une troisieme equipe est envoyee, etc, etc...
Apres la disparition de la 5e equipe le direction envoie enfin un telegramme:
"donnez nous renseignements sur ces malheureux accidents"
Reponse :"Ce n'etaient pas des accidents, les crocodiles l'ont fait expres"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ta mere , elle vend des voitures a Venise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C' est un belge qui passe des vacances en Suisse, il boit un verre
au bar de la marine .
le Belge au patron :
"Pourquoi le bar de la marine ??? vous n'avez meme pas la mer une fois"
Le patron :
"et alors ???? lorsque je suis passe en Belgique, j'y ai bien
vu des maisons de la Culture !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~